What do women need?

That is a million dollar question no man is able to give a sound answer to…nor do women. Throughout ages the genders have fought trying to reach a balance that could satisfy both men and women. This long lost balance seems out of reach nowadays and a giant number of women complain of men and their supposed lack of anything. Where are the roots for all that disappointment? Are the men to blame for not been able to understand women and their desires? Or are women being a bit unreasonable in their quest for plenty satisfaction?

            When I was a kid I used to see my mom complaining that my dad would not help in the housework, that he had no initiative to help and solve problems around the house, that he did not care for our education and so on. The complaining list was almost endless. I would feel sorry for him. Time told him that the best strategy to react to that was just playing dumb. Every time he tried to do something to improve his image, things would turn even worse than before. If he went grocery shopping, the meat was not good enough, the flour brand was not the one she liked, the fruits were not fresh and the vegetables had not taste. One of her complains was that he was not romantic and being so he would kill all the love she had. Then, if he brought her flowers, she would end up saying the he should save money for more essential things. In conclusion, he had no escape. No matter what he did, he would be always wrong.

            It seems to me that women and also men are lost and their mismatch probably reflects more than a gender war. Independently on gender, ethnics, educational and social status, all our development and technology has made us all a fast food generation. We need things, people, attitudes, love and money and we need them now. Both men and women are not willing to build relationships based on mutual respect and trust. We want them ready and self-made, as that was feasible. There is no tolerance and we tend to treat people as machines and vice-versa.

            Saying that women and men do not know what they need or what they want is an over statement. Their needs are quite explicit and easy to be spotted. The real problem is to find a way of getting them fulfilled. Modern life has allowed us to go finding our own satisfaction. If that takes more then one or two matches, that is no longer a problem. The increasing number of weddings and divorces corroborates this hypothesis. Living longer than ever before allows both men and women extra time to find their soul mates and suggests that as any other social event, divorce is also driven by nature. This point of view obviously does not explain all the details involved in the struggle between genders or alleviate the tension perceived between individuals in the search for fulfilling their unmet needs.  On the other hand, it can bring some calm to the field. Since everything has a natural cause we can expect that all will be solved spontaneously. Lets just wait and live longer.

Comparison and contrast essay: A Brazilian-American wedding: a rational for the culture mixing

Brazilian culture differs from the American one in many different aspects.  While some may argue that different cultures should remain separate for their own sake and survival, there is some room to think that mixing cultures together may be something interesting, to say the least. It is reasonable to hypothesize that picking the best of the cultures we can create a composite of attitudes, values, goals and practices that would certainly function better than any one of the cultures isolatedly.

            Americans are well known as very determined people that act usually in a preprogramed manner in order to reach their goals. Not much emotional in their relations, American people seem very direct, organized and straightforward and being so, targets are attained more easily. Time is money: Wall Street’s culture has been incorporated in the American way of life and everything happens around the clock. Being late is unacceptable for most Americans. There is a sense that wasting someone’s time truly means stealing money or preventing someone of getting it.  On the other hand, Americans are sometimes seen as cold and arrogant with a complete lack of emotions when dealing with something unexpected. Even the family relations are a bit dry. Children often leave their parents house at early ages and do not feel like taking care of them later when age comes with morbidity and dependency.

            Attitudes, behaviors and social practices significantly different are observed among Brazilians. Brazilian people with all their loud Latin soul are known for their sometimes unreasonable happiness. Very emotional, Brazilian people bring warmth and passion to their relations with others and this spicy attitude can change other people. Brazilian joy is almost contagious when it comes to appreciation of food, dance and music…and soccer, let’s not forget that too. On the other hand, Brazilian people are not very sharp in terms of time and punctuality. People in Brazil do not worry much about being late and in many situations being late might even mean ‘chic’. This obviously is not well appreciated in other cultures and Brazil is often shown and represented as a land somewhat irresponsible where people tend not follow rules, laws and dealings.

            A Brazilian-American cultural wedding would be an opportunity to bring the best of those cultures. Although not easily achievable and probably risking an ugly fight, mixing the Brazilian and American cultures would benefit both peoples. A bit of the Brazilian ‘ginga’ would help Americans to act spontaneously, encourage them to show emotions and live more like regular human beings. The American respect for the others and for the law would cause a significant revolution in the land of samba. The happiest country in the world would also eventually be a place of true democracy, opportunity, respect and justice. While the wedding does not happen, let´s hope we can also change with time and tries.

CAUSE AND EFFECT ESSAY: LIVING ON THE EDGE

It has been demonstrated that many people turn to dangerous activities as a way of finding sense in their own lives. Thrilled by the adrenaline associated with radical sports and many other death-defying activities, these individuals seek for a reason for their beings, as many have declared. Jumping from a sky-high tower tied to a rope that might eventually break, engaging on unprotected sex with strangers or experiencing with different drugs act to them as an immediate link with their inner selves. I’m not very sure on what can be considered the real root of such inclinations of one’s mind but I doubt it could be considered average normal. Some may think and hypothesize that the lack of real obstacles, challenges and risks in daily life might be the reason why an increasing number of people have started engaging in radical sports and dangerous activities.  More complex psychological reasons that are beyond my single-minded comprehension might also play a significant role in those individuals’ choice for a dangerous life.

            While one can simply criticize radical sports and dangerous behaviors in somebody else’s life, sometimes is worthwhile to take a close look and recognize some choices we usually make that are not completely healthy and might as well be considered unsounded or unreasonable. 

            Do we really need to work as much as 60 or 80 hours a week? Do we really have to accept all the social activities and gatherings we are invited to even when we do not feel like leaving your nest? More importantly: is there a reason for accumulating so many duties that keep us completely and insanely busy around the week just because we are not taught to say “no, I can not do that”? It dawn on me that living a busy life full of compromise to your work, your family and yours friends and not a single hour to your own self might also be a way of living on the edge.

            We ought to find a balance in life. A point where we can be satisfied with what we do and not very much disturbed with what we are not able to do and we gladly refused to try. Taking a personal example, I can say that these last weeks for me were really on the cliff.  After a full week of no good sleep at a conference meeting abroad with very long tiring flights, I had a very busy week with talks I could have refused to give, meetings at work that were meaningless and could simply not have existed, along with endless phone calls from family and friends and birthday parties I went only to please friends that could not accept I’ve been busy and tired.

            Living on the edge alters all the purposes in life. From the minimal tasks to the most important thing you do, if you live on the edge you might suffer the pressure and then you could put yourself more prone to mistakes. That cannot last long. Indeed, the stress associated with it might kill you long before your due time. So here goes a piece of advice for me and those leading nonsense busy beings: slow down your pace, keep space for yourself and at least once in a while just do nothing. When you stop you might eventually find what is missing and the reason why you’ve been so busy. 

Plastic surgery – A risky journey

Plastic surgery is a well known specialty with the potential to change people's lives in many significant ways. Reconstructive plastic surgery can make the difference in the patient's quality of life and certainly can bring undoubtful benefits in the scenario where functional ability has been lost or reduced. On the other hand, esthetic procedures do not seem to share the same understanding. Differently from reconstructive surgery, the risks related to esthetic procedures might not be safely overcome by the potential benefits. The issue is controversial and that is probably the problem when dealing with something not as straightforward as beauty. Someone who decides for an esthetic surgical procedure should be aware of the associated risks and be absolutely sure on what to expect from the surgery and its results.

            The question of the risk associated with medical procedures is quite biased and most of the time not clearly spoken by the doctors, especially among us in Brazil. Most of the risk has been measured as relative risk and as such may not reflect a real-world scenario. In a recent survey in Denmark it was demonstrated that up to 16.7 percent of the women undergoing breast augmentation countrywise were registered with an adverse event and 4.8 percent of the women were registered with a surgery-requiring complication. That could mash the false idea that the procedure is almost risk-free and should be undertaken by anyone who wants it. If the risk is shown as absolute risk we would find that two patients will face adverse events every 1000 procedures performed. When the adverse event related to medical procedures happens close to you or personalizes itself in the figure of the loved ones, the awareness of the risk becomes a lot clearer. Taken together these data suggest that plastic surgery benefits ought to be balanced against the harm the procedure might cause.

            Another important point to consider is the real need for esthetic procedures and the motivation that has led to them. Many men and women turn to plastic surgery yearning for better looks in order to feel loved and desired. Victims of heavy marketing that sells the image of perfection and satisfaction these individuals are able to do any potential sacrifice (physical, financial and moral) aiming to become younger or beautiful. In a society the values instant beauty, extreme makeovers and celebrities, people want to be famous or look like someone famous. In the struggle to appear young and fresh forever, we are forgetting the basics in terms of getting old: the increasing ability to feel happy about your accomplishments and experience at the time that you also acknowledge your own limitations. Getting old is not the process of hiding your body and its frailties. It has to do with getting rid of the anxiety that used to be a constant companion at younger ages and being able to just enjoy life and whatever good you´ve been able to cultivate.

            Plastic surgery is certainly an excellent therapeutic tool when used with caution and respecting basic recommendations. As with any medicine, all plastic surgery procedures carry significant side effects. Surgeons should stick to their ethics and reserve this tool specifically for those who could really benefit from it. For their part, patients should seek for information regarding the procedure risks, what to expect from them in terms of results and potential complications and then share the decision whether to undergo this risky journey.          

Warming up the soul with food

I´ve always remembered myself as a very skinny incredibly shy boy not very much fond of my mom´s cooking. To be completely honest, I really disliked most of the food I was forced to eat as far as I can recall. At school I was known as spaghetti and that never has been a problem for me. Actually, I used to think that eating was nothing but wasting of time and energy. Even during adolescence when most of us wish to become big and muscular, I was quite happy weighing less than average and not paying much attention to food. Exceptions were to be made to birthday parties, when I would turn myself into an ant and fight for every piece of candy and cake I could put my fingers on.  This blasé attitude towards food came to change only later in life and it was very peculiar the way it happened.

            A couple of years ago I moved to the USA due to professional reasons. I did not plan moving there. It happened that I had an academic work accepted for presentation in one scientific meeting in the USA and then got invited to continue the research there. In less than 6 months I moved to Saint Louis and had my life completely changed.  I still remember the day I got there and my surprise to see that the studio I had rented through the internet had none of the facilities announced. I only knew my future boss, who I was to see only 2 days after (I arrived on a Saturday) and had no bed to sleep on. Worse than that, I had no idea on how to get one. To complicate matters, my knowledge in their language at that time would not allow me to buy a sandwich in Disneyland, as had said my Brazilian advisor a few days before my departure from here.  She was not mistaken.

            After this small ordeal, I was introduced to people at the hospital and shortly after that I was invited to many dinner parties with the colleagues. For the first time in my life, the food I was given together with the potential friendship made me happy.  I would look forward for the next invitation and that went on for a couple of weeks when suddenly it stopped. I could not understand why people suddenly stopped inviting me over for dinner. Had I done anything wrong? Had I said anything unacceptable? Probably someone got offended by the joke I tried to tell the last dinner about Argentineans.  That was one of the top 5 explanations I found for the situation. I was deeply hurt and then decided to investigate what happened with a friend, a very loud Italian guy named Frederico. Much simpler than I thought, he told me that I had been invited to dinner party with a circle of friends and that now I was expected to invited all of them over to return the favor. As I did not ask them over, they just gave up on me for that matter. They were anxious for trying some Brazilian food and I was to provide that if I wanted to keep inside the circle.

            I didn´t know how to make an egg. Out of despair I looked up for Brazilian recipes at Ana Maria Braga´s web site. That saved me. The recipes were easy to follow and after a few tries I was an expert on many Brazilian dishes: fish moqueca, shrimp bobó and obviously feijoada. Back to the circle, I started valuing food and the company it attracts. We would relax a bit from the hard work having a meal prepared by a friend. Sharing the food around a table with friends is the most precious memory I brought from my experience living abroad. And now, when we meet somewhere it is always like old times: the food comes first and the dinner is a mandatory sacred event.